Rain

"Blessed are the dead the rain falls upon, blessed be the bride the sun shines upon."

The funeral director told us this yesterday as we got out of the limo. It had been raining off and on all day, but it was pouring when we reached the cemetery. He said he knew it was going to rain because we had such a special family and were such good people, we deserved to have it rain for him.

Father Nick did a beautiful service, his homily couldn't have described Dad any better. He remembered everything we had ever mentioned about Dad, down to his ongoing battle with the squirrels in the backyard, his practical jokes on the neighbors, and his love for his family.

There were 3 active duty Army men there, they saluted Dad and Mom and did a beautiful flag ceremony, and Taps was played. It was one of the most touching moments I've ever experienced. They presented Mom with the flag and saluted her when she left.

At the wake, which we had at the Thompson Club, Uncle Larry read something my cousin Doug had sent. He couldn't make it because he is from Seattle and his wife can't travel. Doug's tribute said it all perfectly, down to the fact that if there ever was a Slovak Leprechaun, it would have been Uncle Joe. :)

Happy got up and told some equally touching anecdotes...some funny, but all from the heart. For those of you who were there, "Uncle Jimmy" even got up and said something....cock a doodle doo? For those of you who weren't there, "Uncle Jimmy" was a funeral crasher and we have stories that are too long to tell here....let's just say it was appropriate that it happened at my Dad's wake.

It was a beautiful day, and I miss him so much.

Funeral

It is Saturday, and just about time to leave for Dad's funeral. It was so hard telling him good-bye last night. I was dreading 9 pm arriving because I knew it would be time to leave.

It is raining today, and I kept telling Dad during his last days that all the rain was God making room for him in heaven, since God needed lots of room. :) My dad was tiny, but such a presence. I think the rain is appropriate.

I have to make this one short but I want to once again thank everyone for their kind comments and all of their support. It means so much to my sisters and I, and especially my mom. She is amazing, and I couldn't have asked for two better parents.

Friday

I can't believe it is Friday already. We made it through Thursday. Jantzen and the kids waited outside while my mom and sisters, older grandkids, and his siblings went in to see him. I said my usual, "Hi Dad!" as I did everytime I called him or saw him.

Jantzen brought the kids in after the adults had time to adjust. They did well. They cried, but they had lots of distractions. I am proud of them. I know what it feels like to lose your grandparent at a young age and it is tough, but they handled themselves well. When they were getting their pajamas on last night, Layne had a prayer card in his pocket. He took it out and started to cry. He holds it all in then something strikes him and he needs to let it out.

Seeing him was like a wave of relief washed over me. In his last days, he wasn't Dad anymore....pale, struggling to breathe, feverish.....and now, he is Dad. He has just the hint of a smirk and he looks like he did before he was diagnosed. Paul at the funeral home couldn't have done a better job. It was such a good feeling to see him well again. My Aunt Eleanor saw me yesterday and told me "He's in a better place." After seeing him, I know that to be true.

The flowers were overwhelming. I know I keep using that work but I don't know what other word to use....even the funeral home commented on how many we received. Mom and Dad were so well liked....a true testament to them and their lives.

When we were leaving I told him good night and that I'd see him tomorrow.

Viewing

I am getting ready for the viewing. I am so happy I am going to get to see him but on the other hand I am dreading Saturday when I will never see him again. I miss him so much. I knew losing him was going to be hard, but I never imagined the grief I would be experiencing.

The support of family and friends has been overwhelming. Their support and generosity and giving of themselves has meant so much to all of us.

I find myself talking to him. I ran to the mall to pick up something for mom, and when I walked outside, it was sunny. I looked up and said, "Hi Dad. Are you taking care of things up there?" A passerby probably thought I was crazy but it is how I deal. I've been talking to him a lot since Monday.

I will see him in about 4 hours. I am so lucky to have so much support around me. Dad would be yelling at everyone for causing such a fuss. :)

First Day Without Him

This was my first day without my dad. It was one of the most difficult days of my life. We made the arrangements and pretty much kept busy all day, but the sense of grief is overwhelming. I have had sympathy for people who have lost their parents, but until I lost my dad, I never really knew the sense of loss. It really makes me feel for those who have lost a parent or both parents.

Trying to plan his viewing and funeral took a lot out of me. I've been trying to be so strong, and today I just couldn't. I think I cried the most today than I have this entire journey. It was a different type of cry than I have ever experienced. I know I was the baby of the family, and in some regards I was so lucky....I have nephews and a niece on my side who are all now just wonderful adults, and a new niece-in-law (is that a word?) and a great-niece that I will get to meet tomorrow. :) My sisters commented that I got to spend a "different" type of time with my dad than they did....but there are moments that I am jealous that they got more years in with him than I did. My kids won't remember him as much, and he won't get to see a lot of things I wanted him here for....Layne's First Communion next year, eventually their graduations, and all of those important times. I feel such a sense of extreme loss I just about don't know how to handle it at moments.

I have learned a lot about my dad and my entire family on this journey, and for that I am thankful. My dad and I may have had our differences, but he always put his family first. His primary care phyisican called the house today and I answered. "Lauren?" the voice on the other end said, "this is Dr. Beck." How he knew it was me I have no idea, because I never met the man. However, he stated, "I am calling to express my condolences to you and your entire family. Your father was a joy to have as a patient. He was always telling jokes and laughing and he had a positive attitude right until the end. It was a pleasure having hin as my patient."

I continue to be overwelmed at the blessings my parents have given this family....just by being who they are.

Arrangements

Joseph L. Vavrek
Viewing:
Thursday 5/20 6-9
Friday 5/21 2-4 and 6-9
Savolskis-Wasik-Glenn Funeral Home
3501 Main Street
Munhall, PA 15120-3260
(412) 462-2288

Funeral Mass:
St. Therese of Lisieux Roman Catholic Church
Saturday 5/22 9:30 am
3 Saint Therese Court
Munhall, PA 15120-3701
(412) 462-8161

Plans

The hospice nurse and pronounced him at 9:08 pm so that is the official time of death. Heather, the nurse was so sweet and stayed the entire time. Then the funeral home directors came and we talked tentative plans and then they took his body away. We said that wasn't really him and that was just his body and he was already watching us from above.

We are going to Savolskis Funeral Home in Munhall, PA and then to St. Therese of Lisieux in Munhall as well for the funeral. We are hoping to have the wake at the Thompson Club, but we are waiting for a return call tomorrow morning.

We think we are going to have the viewing Thursday and Friday and the funeral Saturday. I will keep everyone posted. Thanks again for all of prayers and thoughts...it means so much.