Kealie has been selected to be "MVP" in her class this week. Part of this entails gathering some items to take to class that have a significance to you. Sort of like a "4th Grade" version of show and tell.
I asked Kealie to get some things together that she wanted to share. She has a mug from Kalahari (our favorite indoor water park!) and also a small part from her telescope that she just got for her birthday. I wouldn't let her take the entire telescope, for obvious reasons! :)
So, I peeked in the bag to see if she put anything else in, and she has some little figurines in there. My dad used to collect these and give them to her. The instructions from school tell the student select items that "have significance". I immediately got teary and gave her a big hug.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Long Time
It has been a long time since I've posted. It's not that I haven't wanted to post, in fact, pretty much every day I think of something I want to share. However, I have been trying to "move on", if those are the correct words. Some days I feel like I should be "moving on" and I thought my intentions for this blog were to allow myself some way of getting through this experience. I thought coming back after it has been almost 4 months would be the wrong thing to do.
I guess I was wrong. Although there are days now that I don't cry over losing him, I feel the pain every day. There are multiple things that happen every day that make me miss him more and more. I guess I thought as time went on, that feeling would start to go away. Rather, the "missing" is getting harder and harder as time goes on. It is almost like I feel that I am "gathering" up information and I'm getting so full of everything I want to tell him, it is getting harder to not be able to talk to him.
Last week I contacted a volunteer at Harmony Hospice to begin volunteer work. I'm extremely busy, so I know I don't have a lot of time. But, I can certainly mail out some papers or help post flyers for them. They want me to get tested for TB and trained so I can work with patients. I'm not sure I'm ready for that quite yet. Ideally I think it would be a great healing process for me, but I'm stick to the paperwork for now.
I know that about 2 years ago, I met someone at work who had lost his mother. I asked him when she had passed away, and he had said, "6 months ago." I remember thinking that although that had to be hard, I also thought that 6 months should be a good amount of time to grieve and still not feel that "raw" pain. I was so wrong. I feel almost silly on those days I am crying driving to work or those nights I can't sleep because I miss him so much....because I feel like I should have moved on by now. However, those days still come with a frequency I never expected. I was wrong to think that the man at work should have been having an easier time because it had been 6 months. Although some days are easier, and I don't cry every day anymore, there is so much I still feel I need to tell him and so much I wish he could see. This month, both kids received glowing results....Layne is getting tested for the gifted program and Kealie got a letter from the state that she is intellectually advanced. It felt so good....such proud moments for a mom....but all I could do those nights were cry, because he would have been SO PROUD of them. I can just heard his voice saying, "WONDERFUL!" (Anyone remember him saying that when he got good news?)
I am really proud of my mom as well. She is keeping busy for sure, all of her friends and family keep her hopping....but I worry about her, too. I wish I could do more. Sometimes I love that I am a career woman, I love my job and I love the hecticness of it all....but I hate the fact that I am restricted in my time.
I know this was just a hodgepodge of thoughts and random ramblings, but I felt I needed to get it out. Thanks also to those of you who still check in on me.....it means more than you know!
I guess I was wrong. Although there are days now that I don't cry over losing him, I feel the pain every day. There are multiple things that happen every day that make me miss him more and more. I guess I thought as time went on, that feeling would start to go away. Rather, the "missing" is getting harder and harder as time goes on. It is almost like I feel that I am "gathering" up information and I'm getting so full of everything I want to tell him, it is getting harder to not be able to talk to him.
Last week I contacted a volunteer at Harmony Hospice to begin volunteer work. I'm extremely busy, so I know I don't have a lot of time. But, I can certainly mail out some papers or help post flyers for them. They want me to get tested for TB and trained so I can work with patients. I'm not sure I'm ready for that quite yet. Ideally I think it would be a great healing process for me, but I'm stick to the paperwork for now.
I know that about 2 years ago, I met someone at work who had lost his mother. I asked him when she had passed away, and he had said, "6 months ago." I remember thinking that although that had to be hard, I also thought that 6 months should be a good amount of time to grieve and still not feel that "raw" pain. I was so wrong. I feel almost silly on those days I am crying driving to work or those nights I can't sleep because I miss him so much....because I feel like I should have moved on by now. However, those days still come with a frequency I never expected. I was wrong to think that the man at work should have been having an easier time because it had been 6 months. Although some days are easier, and I don't cry every day anymore, there is so much I still feel I need to tell him and so much I wish he could see. This month, both kids received glowing results....Layne is getting tested for the gifted program and Kealie got a letter from the state that she is intellectually advanced. It felt so good....such proud moments for a mom....but all I could do those nights were cry, because he would have been SO PROUD of them. I can just heard his voice saying, "WONDERFUL!" (Anyone remember him saying that when he got good news?)
I am really proud of my mom as well. She is keeping busy for sure, all of her friends and family keep her hopping....but I worry about her, too. I wish I could do more. Sometimes I love that I am a career woman, I love my job and I love the hecticness of it all....but I hate the fact that I am restricted in my time.
I know this was just a hodgepodge of thoughts and random ramblings, but I felt I needed to get it out. Thanks also to those of you who still check in on me.....it means more than you know!
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