Changes

As we all know, life can change in an instant. Our lives changed in July of 2009 when dad was diagnosed. Our lives changed again yesterday, May 14th. I was at a golf outing for University of Pittsburgh School of Pharmacy. My work phone is not working, so I was using my other cell phone to periodically check messages. Patty left me a message that basically said, "call me as soon as you get this." I called her back and she told me dad was unresponsive. I was on the hole furthest from the clubhouse, so luckily a co-worker was nice enough to drive me back to my car.

I drove straight to the house and mom and Patty and Tom were already there. He was in his usual chair but was having seizures and could not communicate. The seizures were very instense, lasting about 45 seconds at a rate of 3-4 per hour. His head would turn to the side and his face would turn purple, his entire body would go rigid, and he would seize for what seemed like forever. Earlier that morning, my mom found him trying to get dressed, and he was stopped midway with his mouth going like he was trying to say something. Mom managed to get him to the chair with his pajama top still on and in his pants.

When the hospice nurse arrived, she got orders to open the emergency medicine kit in the fridge. She administered Ativan to help calm down his Central Nervous System. He felt really warm so we took his temperature and it was up to 103, so she adminstered a rectal suppository. He reached 104.2 at one point, but luckily we have been able to keep it down to about 101 with suppositories, ice packs, and cool cloths, 100.7 was the lowest over the past 24 hours.

The nurse wanted to get him into a nursing unit...but that wasn't what he wanted. I tried to ask him if he wanted to go, but he couldn't tell me. He would follow people with his eyes, and a couple times I asked him to stick his tongue out or blink which he did, but it didn't happen too much. We know from his earlier wishes that he wanted to stay at home, so we ordered a bed and had it set up in the living room. Father Nick also came and we prayed and cried, and I know my dad knew who he was because his eyes got really big and he was responding in his own way.

He did manage to mumble, "uh-huh" or sort of grunt when someone was around and talked to him, so that was encouraging that he was still responsive.

More to come, but I can't type much more right now. Darlene, Ron, Joey, and Erica drove all night and arrived early this morning and he was able to look to the side although not respond much. He knows they are here. I know he never wanted to be this way, and I am not ready to lose him, but most of him is already gone. I just want him to be in a place where he can cut grass again and see all those that he loved that he lost. I don't want to wish the moments away but he is so frustrated and so unhappy. He has shed a couple tears when I talk to him and I know he knows what is happening but he is stuck in his own body and can't get out.