Father's Day

I went to the cemetery today to wish Dad a Happy Father's Day. I went with my Mom, Patty, and Patrick. I am having trouble even conveying into words the emotions I felt today.

I miss my Dad more than I can express. I've been finding comfort in a little brochure I picked up at church. It resounds some of my thoughts so clearly I pick it up to read it quite a few times in a day. One of the quotes that really catches me:

"Just below the surface of our adult facades, there is a little girl or a little boy that wants daddy's recognition or mommy's embrace more than anything else in this world."

That is exactly how I feel....when I think of Dad, I feel like a little girl again. I think of sitting on his lap on the porch and asking him questions about gravity. I remember asking him to make math problems for me in a notebook then beaming when he wrote "A+" at the top. I remember running home to him with my report card, and I remember his tears when I went away to college (all 20 minutes from home).

I knelt in front of his headstone today and I prayed, and I talked to him. I could probably have stayed there for quite some time. I think I'll go back and spend some time alone with him soon.

Right behind him are my Grandmother and Grandfather, my Mom's parents. I visited with them as well. I never knew my Grandfather, he died before I was born. I told my Mom that just about a month ago, they welcomed Dad with open arms and thanked him for taking such good care of her. I reminded her that they are all together now and in a happy place. She stated that even though we pray for them, we really should be asking them to pray for us because we are left on this world now and we need help to get to them when our time comes.

I'm trying to remember that losing my Dad is an event all children must face. I am trying to use it to better recognize those people in my life that I need, to be a better person, and to remember the lessons that Dad taught me along the way. I know I am better because of him, and I know that he is smiling with that hint of a smirk he always carried.

Every Father's Day when presented with his gift, his response was always, "save your money." He dedicated himself to making it better for all of us by going without himself. I took him a flag today and promised him that was his gift this year, along with my prayers.

Happy Father's Day, Dad. I know you're with family and friends that have passed along the way, and you are watching us and waiting. Another quote from my brochure states that the children who have lost parents, "now move to center stage to leave our mark on the world." Even though I don't feel ready, I know that you have given me the ability and strength to do just that. I'll always be your little girl, and I'll be looking up to you knowing you are there....just as you always have been.