Weekend

Everyone keeps telling me some days will be okay, and others will be tough. It hasn't quite been a month, and this weekend was difficult. Layne's 7th Birthday party was on Saturday, and I was cutting up vegetables, and all of a sudden, it hit me that Dad wouldn't be there. My Mom had a tough time as well, so I knew it was hitting all of us. Layne had a sleepover (the first one for him and his friends), so we were all very tired the next morning. :) I just kept thinking that everything is piling up that I want to tell Dad.

My mom is going to watch the kids Monday and Tuesday since they are done with school, so yesterday, the kids were at Jantzen's Mom and Dad's house, and I went to see my Mom. My sister and her family from Georgia left yesterday morning, so it was the first day my Mom was truly alone. I went to the house, and walking into the house with only her there was like pushing through a barrier. I felt stifled and the grief just washed over me again. Seeing Mom come to the door with tears in her eyes was one of the toughest moments for me so far. We sat down to have coffee and a slice of cake, and we just let it out. We both just cried and cried. I told her how much I never realized that when I called them, there were things I told her, and different things I told him. She told me that he always looked forward to my calls and liked talking to me.

We finished the thank yous and Patty came over and the three of us went to see Uncle Mickey. He is Dad's Uncle and he just turned 93. He lives alone and is just so funny....he had us laughing most of the time. I know he misses Dad. He has his prayer card on his table and a picture of Darlene, Patty, and I on the other. We brought him a picture of Dad and he put it right next to "his girls".

Back at moms, we continued the Thank-Yous and pretty much finished up. I had to go into the bedroom at one point, and I saw his watches on his nightstand. That choked me up. It was such a personal moment and I could feel him there with me.

It was little things, but all very emotional this weekend. I had trouble falling asleep I missed him so much. I know the days will get better, and I know he is at peace. I selfishly wish he was still here.