Hospice

This is Dad on Easter with the kids. He was having a very good day this day. A lot has changed since then.

We started hospice this week for my dad. He is down to 120 pounds. We were in touch with Forbes Hospice last week to begin home care that would transition into hospice care once that became necessary. The nice thing about Forbes Hospice is that the same nurses do palliative care then also transition into hospice care so we can become comfortable with the same set of nurses until the end.

When the nurses came for the initial visit, they decided we would skip the palliative care and move right to hospice. He is so weak and so tired. They stopped his blood pressure medication (and in reality, his other maintenance meds could be stopped too, but if it is "mentally" a challenge for him to stop them, we're going to keep him taking them. No harm, no foul).

Hearing that we have brought in hospice has been difficult for me. At times I want to cry and at times I want to just not talk about it. Times I wish people would ask me how I'm doing, how he's doing, how my family is, and other times I want to just continue on with my day and block it all out. Today was one of those days I had no desire to call or text anyone about anything.

I called my dad on my way home today and he was a bit confused.....he told me that "Patrick and some friend of his came over to help with some stuff".....we have know Doug, Patrick's friend, for many years now, yet my dad didn't seem to know who he was. He also wasn't sure what "stuff" was going on.....and if anyone knows my dad, they know he KNOWS what goes on in his house. :) He also started on oxygen today.....he said they gave him a big tank and also two smaller ones in case he wants to go anywhere........I didn't have the heart to tell him he's not going anywhere.

I then talked to my mom, who told me she is giving him showers and she gets soaked so after she gets him dried and settled she showers herself, which is why he answered the phone. She is a saint. After 53 years of marriage, to face being alone is unimaginable to me. The social worker from hospice took her aside the other day and asked how SHE was doing. She said she was handling all of it, and is prepared for him to die, but broke down when she said, "I don't know what I'll do without him." I cry every time I think of it.

I miss him already. I was at Duquesne University today where I graduated from pharmacy school and all I could think about was how proud he was of me when I got accepted....and then graduated. He's the reason I became a pharmacist and was so driven to do well in school. He always used to tell me, "I don't know how a man as dumb as I am had a daughter that is so smart." He never gave himself enough credit. We came from a blue collar community and he took care of his family the best way he knew how, which was pretty damn good.

Since he couldn't make the talent show or Kealie's string concert recently, we took her violin over last night and she did a show for him. He was smiling and enjoyed the show. I was proud of her. She is having a bit of trouble in school lately because of all of this, they are very close. He calls her, "my little sweetie pie." Really? That is my dad saying that? Being a grandfather changes you I suppose. :)