Mother's Day

I know I titled this post, "Mother's Day", but I will get to that in a minute. I was looking back, and this is from Christmas, 2008. It is hard to believe that a few short months after this is when he started having the "ache" in his side which we would eventually learn was melanoma.

On Mother's Day, we of course went to visit. My dad was in the chair in the living room, with a sweater on. Not a sweater you'd wear out to church or something, but a Mr. Rogers sweater. I've never seen him wear anything like it before. He didn't get up out of the chair one time while we were there. The worst part is, I have been experiencing awful, tremendous guilt over the fact that Kealie and Layne did not hug him good-bye. I can't get past it, and I know that they are kids....and they grandpa they knew is no longer there. He used to be such a presence in the house for being such a small person! You always knew where he was, and he never hesitated to tell his opinion. Yet, he was in this chair, and didn't say much. He watched a video Layne made for me for Mother's Day, and I watched him smile while he was watching, but he didn't say much.

Kealie asked, "what is that big thing over there?" The thing being his oxygen tank. She seemed stasfied with the answer, but it really makes me realize how much he is just different for them. In reading over the hospice materials, I know it says not to treat that person as if they are just "there"....but after a lifetime of knowing one person, now he is someone else, how are two young children supposed to understand that? It tears at my heart though, that I didn't take a minute and ask them to hug him goodbye. I don't know what I was thinking, other than I struggled with leaving that day. I may be a mom now myself, but I don't know what I'll do when I don't have my dad.

My mom called after reading my blog, and she told me I got one thing wrong. She told me she is not a saint. I told her she was. She of course, stated, "My mother was a saint. I am not." Her brother, my Uncle Len, e-mailed me and agreed with my saint statement. I told my mom, "you are what others believe you are." She is one of the kindest, nicest, caring people I know....and what they are going through is beyong my comprehension. So yes, mom, you are a saint....and dad is lucky to have you....and you him. Happy Mother's Day, I love you both.